|The Official KT Tunstall Board
|KT Tunstall. The 'real' story
|Page 1 of 1|
|Author:||g_irl_interrupted [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:00 pm ]|
|Post subject:||KT Tunstall. The 'real' story|
Chapter 1 - A Story
Once upon a time, not so long ago, our heroine (KT) decided to go on a journey. So one day while standing at her window, she put her Eye To The Telescope and pointed it North.
It wasn’t long before KT was off on her travels to the Other Side Of The World. Miles from home she decides to hire a wee boat to see if a day at sea will inspire any new songs. The only place to rent a boat was from Mr Sin Kallot, and he only had one boat. ‘I’ll take it’ said KT excitedly.
So off she sets in her pedalo - well maybe not a pedalo - it had an engine, with her margherita mix and her faithful guitar! Quite content, she sails off into the sunset, looking for Another Place To Fall in love with. Just as our intrepid explorer gets settled in and sorts herself out with another margarita, a rather large seagull starts hovering overhead. Just as she’s about to take a sip, SPLAT! the seagull dropped whatever was in his mouth and it lands not an inch away form KT and her friend the margarita. ‘For fanny’s SAKE’ exclaimed KT, who got a bit of a fright and of course dropped her drink. Slipping on the spilled drink, KT skids across the boat (all 3 feet of it!) and lands on her arse right beside the little gift the seagull just left her. It takes a minute to focus, but all of a sudden it becomes clear what it is. Dido’s album!! The thought of being in such close proximity to such a depressing item obviously makes KT feel Under The Weather, so she decides to drop anchor, chuck Dido overboard and wait it out until she feels better.
NOW, the mixture of alkeehol, sunshine, fresh air and Dido starts to have an adverse effect on poor li’l KT and she begins to hallucinate. You know what’s coming next doncha?! She starts seeing all sorts of weird sh*t, like Dido, coffee revels, sushi. Then from nowhere, a dark creature is circling her head and it has a cherry in its mouth. EUREKA-DOO-DAH!! ‘I’ve got a great idea for a song’ she says rather loudly. All excited with herself she starts tinkering with her guitar and drumming on the bottom of the boat with her foot. TUNE!!!! Gets the song down in about 15 minutes and is so chuffed with herself she has a wee victory dance, little realising that all her drumming on the boat has weakened the floor. ‘I’ll call it Black Horse and the Cherry Tree’ she thinks to herself. Hmm!
Much contentment washes over KT as she sits down with another drinky to reflect on her day. It began with a string of Miniature Disasters which included, impaling herself on a guitar string, realising she’d left her luggage on shore and all she has is what she stands in. Yep, her swimsuit! and the incident with the gull, but, she can still smile, because she knows she has a hit on her hands! Suddenly, something catches KT’s eye on the floor of the boat! It's water! 'F**********ck’ exclaims KT to the Gods, ‘Why me? Gimme a break’
It’s getting pretty dark now and Expedition KT needs to head back to shore, but alas, the darn boat won’t start, and it’s sinking rather rapidly! With water now up to her knees, KT decides she’s gonna have to bail out and swim for it. So she jumps ship, ahem, 'boat', with only her trusty guitar for support. After treading water for 7 seconds, KT looks around and sees nothing. No lights. No noise. NOTHING! And with the boat now well underwater it’s pitch black out there in the eerily Silent Sea. Swimming as best she can, Cap’n KT starts thinking about life and random thoughts come to mind, one in particular which is rather fitting for her predicament. ‘When its just the Universe & U it’s ok to think ................. when all of a sudden her thoughts are interrupted by something up ahead. LAND AHOY! Woo Hoo! (ooh liking the Woo Hoo, must get in into BH&CT somehow!) anyway, YES, LAND!
With a new burst of energy, KT swims in the direction of the land. Paddling with all her might, all the while keeping a tight hold of her guitar, which now has a broken string, only to discover its a False Alarm. Turns out to be a piece of driftwood. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. la la la
Chatting away to herself, KT begins to get a bit delusional, rambling, ‘Fish! Old B*stard! Juice! Mouse! Locker! Dido! JUICE!!?!? What the hell?? Must get a hold of myself!!!!’ ‘Must find land’ . KT pushes herself forward still ranting a bit, ‘suddenly I feel alone, suddenly I miss my chummers, Suddenly I See ........ SMACK!!! She swims right smack bang into a bouy!! Now she’s p*ssed!!! She screams into the darkness, ‘What the hell you gonna throw at me next world?’
Resting for a short while, and giving her head a chance to recover the impact, KT, who usually loves everything life throws at her, now seriously considers Stoppin’ The Love - For the sea and its creatures at least! ‘Godforsaken bloody stupid idea. Go sailing I said. Get ideas I said. ARSE!’, KT is not a happy shoe. She feels at the cut on her head and the blood has dried as it begins to Heal Over. ‘Onward’ she states, ‘Must get home before I’m 30’
Swimming along quite fast now, as our heroine is in a foul mood, she soon covers 200 yards. Looking up and peering Through The Dark she hears the sound of voices coming from the not to distant distance (?! hmm!), and she sees lights too! ‘WOO HOO, I’m saved’, she thinks.
There’s a party going on at the beach and KT can only just make out a banner stuck up in the sand. ‘Something about tonsils’ It was the annual Tonsils Out National summer BBQ. A popular outing in the world of dentistry. Getting closer KT manages to attract the attention of the T.O.N BBQ chairperson and she shouts, ‘Throw Me A Rope please’ The T.O.N members manage to haul KT to safety and she is very grateful. After admiring her swimwear and the now purple lump on her head, they hand her a towel and a beer and she joins the party. A super bond is formed and as a thank you, KT performs her newly penned (well, memorised) song for the T.O.N. They like it so much they consider changing the name of their little group to Tunstallation Nation.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
|Author:||g_irl_interrupted [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:17 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Re: KT Tunstall. The 'real' story|
Over The Sea And Far Away, KT sits day dreaming in a small cafe, sipping a very large coffee trying to write some new songs, while mulling over her disasterous previous 24 hours at sea! Ever grateful to the Tonsils Out Nation, she considers writing a song to honour them, then she thinks, 'Nah!'
The waiter comes over and snaps her out of dreamland when he asks, ‘You finished with that?’
KT looks at him in disbelief, ‘Are You Blind?’ she says, ‘I’ve still got half a bloody cup left! Sake!’
It’s raining outside and as the waiter stomps off KT overhears the TV in the back of the cafe. ‘Under This National Rain Cloud no-one will be spared as the whole country will be getting heavy rain over the next 2 days.’ the announcer was saying. ‘Great!’ thinks KT, ‘Just like being back in Scotland’
Her phone rings and when she sees who it is she chooses to ignore it. She knows she should answer, but feels guilty for not doing so. Head and heart in turmoil. Then the makings of a song begin to appear on her pad as she scribbles, My Heart Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself....
Interrupted again by her phone, its the same person, ‘Persistent little sh!t’ she mumbles and this time answers. ‘What?!’ she grumps into the phone. The voice on the other end softens her mood and she begins to relax. But as she turns to get comfortable she knocks the remainder of her coffee over and this jolts her to realise she doesn’t want
to ‘chit-chat’ with the caller, who we’ll call Dick!
‘I Don’t Want To Be Second Best to your little addiction’ she says angrily. ‘You’ve had your last chance pal. I Was Happy In My Harbour flat ‘til you came along and spoiled everything.’
Dick then starts to beg and plead for forgiveness, but KT is having none of it. ‘You and your damn Dido addiction just pisses me right off’ With that she hangs up and switches off her phone.
A Fire Burns somewhere in the distance as KT leaves the cafe and heads off on a long walk to clear her head. The smell of the fire takes her back to the previous day when she had to be rescued by a kindly dentistry outing after her boat sank in the middle of the sea. Thinking how lucky she was to survive mad seagulls, lost luggage and Dido, she is grateful for another day.
‘What’s that f*cking irritating noise’ thinks KT. ‘Oh sh!t, it’s my phone. Damn crazy frog crap!!!’ She thought she’d turned the phone off but in her frustration had just turned it down. Same caller! KT answers with, ‘If you ring me again I’ll write a song about how small your willy is. I’m Trying To Put This Thing To Bed. It’s over, get used to it’ She hangs up and chucks her phone in the nearest bin.
Setting off again, KT is suddenly aware of a heavily tattooed girl heading straight for her. A big smile comes across KT’s face as she looks at the girl and realises that Her Face Is A Map Of The World! Staring in disbelief and still grinning, the girl says to KT, ‘So You Think It’s Funny do you??’
To which KT replies, ‘It Isn’t Very Difficult To See Why is it? You’re face has a map of the world on it. Are you
Tattoo girl is quite taken aback by KT’s honesty as no-one has dared comment on her face before.
KT continues her wee rant, ‘As I Walk Away from the past 24 sh!t hours, I come across you and I must thank you for making me smile. You have the UK on your nose for goodness sake girl! What on earth possessed you?’
Still in shock, tattoo girl says nothing so KT turns and walks away.
Realising she’d been a bit harsh, KT turns back to try and apologise. As she turns she sees tattoo girl fishing KT’s phone out of the bin and it’s ringing. Stopping dead in her tracks KT watches as tat girl answers and starts chatting to the caller. (Dick). Slightly relieved at seeing the girl still smiling, KT turns walks off in the opposite direction, smiling away to herself. Thinking, ‘I’m well rid of that Dido obsessed twat’
|Author:||g_irl_interrupted [ Sat Feb 14, 2009 7:00 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Re: KT Tunstall. The 'real' story|
CHAPTER 3 - RANDOM LINES
Another day or two in the life of KT, our sometimes accident prone heroine. Today, after being on the road for what felt like 47 days (actually eight) KT gets time to go home. Chill for a few days and catch up on washing and stuff.
While she’s there, she gets a phonecall from Carphone Bargainshack (CPB) asking how her mobile is doing.
‘Fine’ she replied, ‘It’s a great wee thing’
‘How’d ya fancy a free upgrade?’ asked the ultra friendly lass on the other end of the phone, who’d introduced
herself as Sophie.
‘Hmm, why?, asked KT, a bit dubious as she’s only had her phone 7 months and isn’t due for an upgrade for at least another 5 months.
‘Well you’ve been such a good customer, said Sophie, ‘And now you’re getting famous, you’ll need a super dooper phone to use and look hip and down with the kids!’
‘Sod that!’ said KT, ‘Is it user friendly?’
‘Tell ya what, we’ll send you the new one tomorrow and you have 7 days to play with it’, explained Sophie, ‘And if you don’t like it, just send it back. Simple’
‘Aye, OK then’ replied KT just wanting off the phone to go get herself a beer and take her washing outta the
So KT goes about her business not giving the phonecall another thought. Early to bed as KT is absolutely knackered and she plans to make the most of her morning off tomorrow. She sleeps like a baby, dreaming of boats, beach parties, girls with tattooed faces and ZzzzDidozzzZ!
Next day, KT is awoken at 8am by a ‘DING DONG’ at her door.
‘SAKE’ she exclaims, ‘This better be good!’
She opens the door and is greeted by an over chirpy delivery guy asking her to sign for some package. ‘Oh and will you sign this action man for my niece, she’s a huge fan?’
She manages her best signatures and shuts the door.
‘8am, damn chirpy guy, hmm, mumble mumble’ KT is not happy, but she decides to stay up anyway. Ripping open the package she realises its
her new phone. ‘Wow, excellent’ she says to herself, ‘VERY nice indeed’
A bit more awake now, KT decides to have a play with her new toy and proceeds to unpack it all and get it charged.
She fiddles with it for a while and decides to phone the helpline.
‘Hello CPB, you’re speaking to Pedro and it’s 10.30am, how can I help you today?’ ‘Great!’, thinks KT, ‘Another
overly chirpy little bugger!’
‘Hi’, she says, ‘I just received my upgraded phone but its a different make to my last one and I don’t know what I’m doing. There doesn’t appear to be a manual either’
‘Have you received your phone’, asked chirpy Pedro.
‘Umm yes!’, said KT starting to lose it a wee bit now.
‘OK, well I’m here to help. How can I help you?’ asked chirpy.
‘I can’t get the damn thing switched on For This Is All New And I’m Feeling My Way Through The Dark’ said KT
‘OK, It’s not that difficult’, replied Pedro, ‘Here we go, crash course on your new s700i phone.’
After 2 and a half hours on the phone, KT feels she’s not only got to grips with her new phone, but she’s acquired a new fan!
So off she goes for a wander round town with her new phone in hand so everyone can see.
Reaching a junction she sees an argument between a Council roadworker and a drunk and tries hard not to stare, but she can’t help but overhear what they are shouting at each other.
‘What are you saying you tripped on?’ asked road guy. ‘A blah holes sh!te road tw*tface!’ said drunk dude. ‘Well I Don’t See No Holes In The Road But You Find Another Place To Fall pal and I’ll be happy coz it means you’ll be outta my face!!’ shouted road guy. ‘F*ckered!, exclaimed drunk dude and he staggered off to have an argument with a lamppost on the corner!
KT has a brainwave about a song and goes to her phone to jot down the lyrics going round in her head. Gets her phone out and sh*********t - not a scooby how to get into the notes bit. Pedro never covered that!
So she decides to head home so she can jot down these words before she forgets.
In the door, KT decides to phone CPB to help her. It is free after all. Now, lo and behold, it’s Pedro again!! ‘Oh Jesus’, thinks KT, ‘He’s even chirpy at 3pm!!’
‘Well hello again’, says a delighted Pedro.
‘Aye’, begins KT, ‘How the hell do I make notes on this phone?’
Pedro explains then proceeds to ask if KT will go out with him as she has a lovely voice and accent.
‘Sorry, I Can’t, I’m already seeing someone’, replied KT.
‘Just my luck’, mumps Pedro, ‘Oh well at least you can ring me anytime with your phone queries.’
‘But I might get someone else when I phone’, she said.
‘No, it’s OK, I’ve just programmed your phone to ring me direct anytime you call here’, replied Pedro!
‘Uh-huh’, is about all KT could manage.
‘You see we could be good mates and you could learn to love me’, said Pedro, ‘It’s only a matter of time lady love, and you will succumb to the wonders of Pedro.
‘Sorry pal, but like I said, I’m very happily attached, so I’ll ask my mates to help with my phone. I won’t be
bothering you again.’
‘And Can You Still Love Me When You Can’t See Me Anymore?’, asked Pedro in all earnest.
‘What?!!’, KT is stunned and hangs up. 'Weirdo!' KT mumbles under her breath and carries on with her day.
The next day KT is much happier and can find her way round the phone much better, so she decides to show her new chums from the Tonsils Out National BBQ, her newly christened ‘Old B*stard Phone’
Showing her mate Paddy first, she shows how she’s programmed the phone to answer without her touching it.
‘You see, I could be driving or playing or shopping And I Know I Don’t Have To Wait For Words, I ‘ve set it to
answer on certain noises, a 'woo hoo' usually does the trick, instead of the usual boring,’ Answer’ or ‘Pick Up’. Now, Paddy understands KT is
excited about her new toy, but - please! - it’s a phone!!
As KT continues yabbering on she’s moved on to Kat and Chantelle showing them her screensavers. ‘Look, I’ve got my dog on here and Snoopy pictures and Just Like Stars Burning Bright Making Holes In The Night, this one is like a cheeky mouse formation. It lights up the whole room when it’s on.’
‘And Distance Doesn’t Care coz the reception on this baby is amazing. I’m going to call Grace and ask her to make me a new badge’, says our girl ever so excitedly!! ‘Even though we’re miles from anywhere right now, and Grace is on the other side of the country, I’ll still get a great signal.’
Now a couple of weeks pass and everyone has gotten over the fact that KT is just far too excited about her new phone - except, that is, KT herself!!
She just wouldn’t let up, ‘Camera, video, MP3, radio all still to be used’, said KT to no-one in particular.
Dan pipes up, ‘OK come on then, take a video of us lot doing out Tai Chi on top of this here hill.’
‘OK’, she replies,’ But I’d better just phone CPB to see how I do that’
‘C’mon now’, says CT, ‘You’ve Gotta Learn To Trust Yourself. Just give it a go’
So Dan, Paddy, CT and Chantelle start their routine, which they’ve perfected and can fit exactly and in time with OSOTW.
KT thinks to herself, ‘I’m sure I’m meant to be somewhere today’ but its just not coming to her. ‘Ah well, I’ll just join the gang on the hill for some Tai Chi stuff and see if I can get them all on film looking like numpties!’
All of a sudden Dido’s White Flag can be heard blaring out of somewhere. Everyone stops what they’re doing and look at each other, then at KT.
‘What?’ she asks.
‘Is that your phone?!’ asks CT, not quite believing what she’s hearing.
Bright red, KT pulls out her phone and says, ‘OK which one of you sh!ts did this? I mean, f*cking Dido!!’
None of them own up to programming Dido into her phone but Pad pipes up, ‘I bet it was that Deviate!’
KT replies, ‘I tell you, that is one apt nickname for that little b*gger!! Wait til I get that little sod!’
Anyhoo, KT finally answers the phone and its the love of her life, so she takes it privately. The voice on the end of the phone made KT feel a bit sad, but more happy as she knew she’d be seeing the face that went with the voice very soon.
‘When are you coming over?’, KT asked, ‘I’m really missing you coz I Got Used To You Whispering Things To Me Into The Evening and I miss
that. It’s not the same without ya’
‘I’ll be there in 4 days lovely’, and then the voice cut off.
‘Aaaargh’, screamed KT, ‘I pushed the wrong damn button, sh*t!’
Just then her phone rings again and she about jumps her own height at the fright. This time it’s singing Agadoo to her. It’s her manager asking where she is.
‘I’m up a hill doing some Tai Chi’, replied KT, ‘Where are you?’
‘Umm, I’m here, where you are meant to be too’, said SB, ‘Remember! The GIG?!! Do you need a lift? I can send someone round now’
‘Oh Jesus that’s it! The gig. I KNEW I’d forgotten something today!’ said KT. ‘Yes, you’d better send me a lift, I’ll just give you directions’
While she’s waiting for her lift KT notices a man sitting on the edge of the hill and he is staring at her. She goes over to him and he introduces himself to her as Chook. KT thinks this is all getting a bit random, it’s just like being in one of Claire's stories, but she decides to go with it coz she can’t go anywhere until her lift arrives anyway.
Chook then says to her as he grabs her leg, ‘Everybody Sails Alone, But We Can Travel Side By Side’ and with that KT pulls away from the old perv. and runs to the other side of the hill. The others are so engrossed in their exercise, they haven’t noticed a thing!
‘Bizarre day this has been’ says KT to the wind as she sits down to mull it over. But her thoughts are interrupted by the rumble of a motorbike tearing up the hill towards her.
‘Hop on KT lady’, said the guy riding the bike. ‘Manager send me to get. So get!’
With that, KT jumps on the back and puts on her helmet just as her phone vibrates in her pocket. Now half way down the hill and heading for town
KT is trying to hold on with one hand and read a text with the other. She can just about make out what it says. It’s from Steve, ‘Where the hell are you girl? We’re about to go on. Oh... sh*t.... hang on, Now The Curtains Coming Up, The Audience Is Still, I’m Struggling To Cater For The Space I’m Meant To Fill! HURRY UP, we can only fill for so long!!’
KT just manages to reply that she’ll be there in 10mins, before she is forced to hang on for dear life as her driver is hitting 200km/h. Dropping her phone in the process, it goes flying backwards and she can just turn round enough to make out its tiny shape heading straight under the wheels of a number 781 bus.
|Author:||g_irl_interrupted [ Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:52 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Re: KT Tunstall. The 'real' story|
EYE FOR A BARGAIN - RANDOM CHAPTER
Our anti-hero, TK, decides one day to go for a jog. Now, to let you understand, TK is the most unfit, lazy slob ever to roam the planet, but good on him for trying!
He leaves his flat wearing his newly purchased lime green jogging suit with matching sweat bands and heads off on his jog. 30 yards on he is sweating buckets so finds a tree to rest against when he spies a large poster on The Other Side Of The Road and decides to investigate.
Getting across the road he quickly finds Another Place To Lean Against and starts to read the poster. It’s a half price day at his favourite fast food joint and he is just beside himself!!
Since the place is just along the road, he decides to carry on his jog and by the time he gets there, his junk food feast will be well deserved.
3 minutes later he arrives at the shop, dripping sweat, only to find there’s a large queue forming. Waiting his turn Under The Canopy outside he is dreaming of his favourite meal. Black Pudding and Cherry Pie. And with the cut prices he can afford at least 2 of each!
The queue is moving slowly and to help the punters pass the time, a local off licence is giving away Miniature Whiskeys to which TK helps himself to 6!! Still sweating in his polyester suit he knocks back 3 of the whiskeys in quick succession.
Finally the queue moves on and TK finds himself inside at last. It’s not long before he is making his way to the
counter, but as he does, the Noisy Sea of people falls silent at the sight of him and his lime green-ness, dripping sweat everywhere and wheezing quite a bit now too.
The counter staff decide to have a laugh at TK’s expense when one of them says, ‘Oh it’s Mr Universe & U look good in green by the way!’ TK has heard all the jokes before so it’s water off a ducks back.
He places his order and waits patiently, sweating more now than when he was jogging! ‘Order up’ yells the spotty youth behind the counter, ‘4 black puddings, 2 chips, 1 burger and 3 cherry pies?’ TK grabs the tray and goes to find himself a seat.
Wolfing down the lot in record time and washing it all down with the 3 other whiskeys, TK feels a wee bit ill but
shrugs it off as he sets off back home, ready to jog off his lunch.
Now his Heart Alarm is going crazy as he stops and leans against a bus shelter trying to shut it up.
Suddenly He Spews!
Now feeling really sh!tty he reckons he should be Stoppin’ The Jogging coz it’s obviously having an adverse effect on his health!! Deciding to walk home, TK gets about 15 yards further along the road as he feels himself about to Keel Over.
Next thing TK remembers is coming to and trying to focus Through The Anaesthetic. TK had collapsed in the street and his only chance for survival was a heart transplant. Eternally grateful for the second chance he’d been given, TK promised himself he’d eat healthier and exercise (in moderation) from now on.
Moral of this story - Don’t drink Heineken then write a random story that butchers good song titles!!
|Author:||g_irl_interrupted [ Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:33 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Re: KT Tunstall. The 'real' story|
Chapter 5 - Drastic. Not Fantastic!
Christmas was here and our lovely heroine was enjoying the time spent with family before jetting of to New York for a Special New Years day gig.
Spending her days lounging around in the special knitted suit her
thrice removed Great Aunt Mabel had given her, watching The Wizard of Oz and having the odd wee whiskey. What better way to chill out with the family at Christmas.
All of a sudden there's a hammering at the front door and KT's first thought is, 'Oh hell, it's The National Enquirer looking for a Christmas scoop!'
So KT asks if Mabel wouldn't mind getting the door, knowing that she could talk the hind legs off a donkey, the paps will get fed up and hopefully leave. Next thing she hears is Mabel saying, 'Oh yes dear, come away in out of the cold, Kate is just through here.' 'Oh S***, Oh B***er, Oh Cr*p,' says KT scrabbling around for anything that will cover at least some of the fetching red all in one she was wearing. All she came up with was her Dad's Christmas jumper that had a huge cracker on it!
Just as she gets the jumper over her head, she is relieved to see Lucky Luke coming through the door. 'Jeezo!', exclaimed KT, 'I thought you were a pap!! What you doing here, I thought you were having Christmas with your family?'
'Ah-ha!' exclaimed LL, 'I thought I'd surprise you!' 'Surprise!!'
'Aww, that's nice, well come on and have a seat. We're just about to have some of Mum's dumpling!' said KT.
Well, the hours passed, the sherry flowed, the dumpling was finished and Mabel was being kept away from the vodka shots she'd found in the fridge!
Set the scene - blazing fire, full stomachs, a few drinkies, what's
left to do but have a wee nap, and this is precisely what KT does probably due to the heat generated by the woolen all in one she was wearing!
LL left her to nap and went to speak to her folks in the kitchen. 'I have a couple of Little Favours to ask of you.' LL said.
'Oh yes, and what's that my dear boy?' asked Mrs T.
'Well, first of all I'd like for you to keep what I'm about to say a secret from KT and secondly is there anymore dumpling?' asked LL.
Mrs T replied, 'Ooh this sounds intruiging, what is it?' After a short silence, Mr T pipes up, 'Umm I believe the boy asked for more dumpling!' To which Mrs T replied, 'Oh yes, well, no, there isn't any left, sorry.'
'Oh, that's a bummer as I wanted to use a piece as a prop. If Only we hadn't eaten it all', said LL.
'Well I do have some chocolate eclairs I could thaw out if that's any good to you, and will you please explain this favour before I burst?!' said Mrs T.
'Yes, sorry, got a bit distracted there', said LL, 'OK, I'll give you a clue, make it a bit more fun.' To which Mr & Mrs T roll their eyes and say, 'OK' with a sigh! LL and his little games, oh dear.
'Right, you ready?', he asked them. 'Yesssss' they replied in unison.
'OK, think of an event where you would usually see a White Bird' said LL, really chuffed with his clue giving. Without missing a beat, Mr T pipes up, 'Ooh, a picnic!'
To which LL replied, 'Erm, no sorry. What on earth are you talking about?'
'Seagulls are white', said Mr T, 'and you see them when you go for a picnic at the beach!'
'Oh yes, but, no that's not what I'm getting at.' said LL.
At this point Mabel pipes up, 'My turn, can I play too?' She'd been standing in the doorway listening for a few minutes now. Well, when I say standing, I mean slouching. And when I say in the
doorway, I mean barely balancing on the door frame, bless her!
'Think of a special event', hinted LL. ' OK', said Mabel, 'Umm, Oh wait, I have to put my teeth in for this, I think much better with them in. Hang on.'
By now, Mrs T is fit to burst and just wants to know what the heck LL is going on about so she hazards a guess, 'Is it a cruise?' she asks with a huge smile on her face. 'You get seagulls at sea right?'
'It's NOT a seagull', said LL head in hands, 'I was thinking about doves and weddings'
'Oh, are you having a wedding my dear', Mabel asked (teeth in and ready to join in this time!) 'That's the hope, if I get Mr & Mrs T's blessing', said LL.
'Aww, who you marrying then? I like a good wedding you know. Last one I was at was John and Mildred's', Mabel said before Mr T managed to cut her off and steer her towards the sitting room and her sherry.
Now with a very serious look on his face, Mr T turned to LL and said, 'I do hope you're not trying to be a Funnyman! I know what you're like for practical jokes! Remember Uncle Peter and the tambourine last year?'
'I can assure you sir, that I am deadly serious. I would like to marry your daughter', said LL. 'Hold On', said Mrs T, 'Let me get this straight, you are asking our permission to marry our lass KT?' And then the tears came. Bless her! LL handed her a tissue and a wee brandy to steady her nerves and said, 'I'd be utterly Hopeless if KT wasn't in my life'.
At that Mr T wiped his eye and got himself a wee brandy and asked LL, 'Well son, when are you going to ask her?'
'Does that mean I have your blessing?' asked LL. Hugs all round and many congrats as they find out LL is going to pop the question that day!! GAH!!!!!
When they all get back to the sitting room they are faced with a puzzled looking KT who's just staring at Mabel and grinning. Mabel is talking to her sherry. She waffling a bit and saying, 'I Don't Want You
Anymore, but it's not coz I don't like you anymore, I've just had a vodka shot and I can't really taste you anymore. Nothing personal!' She starts shaking the bottle so KT offers to take it from her, only to be told, 'Oh no dear, it's OK, you just go and play your music and we'll have a wee sing song shall we?!'
Mrs T to the rescue, 'How about a nice cup of tea Mabel?' 'Aah that'd be lovely my dear. And a ginger nut too if you have please?' said Mabel.
'It's her heart meds and the alcohol. Don't mix well, bless her' said Mrs T. 'She'll be fine after a nap.'
'How about a game of cards?' said LL. 'OK' replied KT, 'There should be a deck in that drawer. I MUST get changed. This suit is really chafing.'
So now LL has time to think about how he's going to propose. He had a plan worked out to use the playing cards, but in all the 'Mabel' excitement he can't quite remember how it went.
Mr & Mrs T are trying to get Mabel to have a nap, so they'll be out of the way for a wee while. KT re-appears in a more comfortable outfit and sits down.
'What do you want to play?' asked KT. 'Well, how about Cups?', said LL. All this time LL is trying to figure out the best way of proposing. He's nervous, excited and his concentration is way off! So as they start to play KT notices his hands are shaking. 'What's up with you?' she asked. 'Nothing, why?' replied LL. 'Well you're being all weird today and I just wondered if you were OK?' said KT. 'Och it's nothing, lets just play a few hands of this and I'll be fine' said LL.
After about half an hour KT was getting a bit suspiscious as LL wasn't playing his hands to his full advantage. 'What are you doing?' she asked, 'Are you letting me win? You could have laid that Queen and
King ages ago!'
'It's my gameplan', said LL, 'I'm Saving My Face cards til the end and hopefully I'll wipe the floor with you! Oh yes, indeed, uh-huh!'
'OK, what is going on?', asked KT, 'You've being acting like a weirdo since you got here. Tell me!'
'Not yet', replied LL.
'What do you mean, not yet?', asked KT.
'Ah-ha, the Beauty Of Uncertainty is my trump card, and it will hold your interest for now', said LL.
'Just coz you don't know what's happening, it's bugging you isn't it?', asked LL.
'Well yes! And by the way, where did my folks go?' asked KT. Just as, Mr & Mrs T appear at the door looking all excited and jumpy and twitchy (no, they hadn't been at the brandy again!!).
LL tries to signal to them that it's not done yet but they don't notice and come in and sit down. So before they put their foot in it LL thinks he has to bite the bullet and just go for it, right now. He's now been faffing about for over an hour trying to think of the best way to do it, but now he HAS to do it or Mr & Mrs T might let the cat out of the bag.
So LL launches himself off the sofa and lands on his knees. At this KT jumps, then slaps him for giving her such a scare!! 'OK, I'm gonna do this, please don't say anything until I'm finished OK?', said LL.
After staring at each other for about 2.5 minutes, (LL waiting for KT to say 'OK' and KT waiting for LL to start and finish before saying anything), LL just goes for it.
'OK, *ahem*, umm, you know this part already but I'll just go through it anyway. I love you loads and am sorry to have to tell you that I haven't been completely honest with you.' KT was about to say something when LL held up his hand and said, 'I'm not finished'. 'I've been speaking to your parents and they know all about this. The gig at New Year is, hopefully, going to be a celebration because I'd like to ask that Someday Soon you'll marry me!'
And before KT can answer, there's an awful kafuffle coming from the hall!
Screeching and laughing!
Yes! Mabel is awake! It's so loud that LL, KT and Mr & Mrs T all have to go out to see what's going on. They thought someone was being attacked! They turn into the hall to see Mabel picking something up and throwing it at them.
'Oh I hope you don't mind, but I opened a cracker because I was bored and in it were instructions on how to make a Paper Aeroplane! I've not had this much fun since I went go carting with your Uncle Morris back in 1992!
There was nothing else for it, LL, KT and Mr & Mrs T all shrugged, then joined in chucking the plane around the place until, finally, Mabel got tired and went down for another wee nap!
|Page 1 of 1||All times are UTC|
|Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group