Chapter 5 - Drastic. Not Fantastic!
Christmas was here and our lovely heroine was enjoying the time spent with family before jetting of to New York for a Special New Years day gig.
Spending her days lounging around in the special knitted suit her
thrice removed Great Aunt Mabel had given her, watching The Wizard of Oz and having the odd wee whiskey. What better way to chill out with the family at Christmas.
All of a sudden there's a hammering at the front door and KT's first thought is, 'Oh hell, it's The National Enquirer looking for a Christmas scoop!'
So KT asks if Mabel wouldn't mind getting the door, knowing that she could talk the hind legs off a donkey, the paps will get fed up and hopefully leave. Next thing she hears is Mabel saying, 'Oh yes dear, come away in out of the cold, Kate is just through here.' 'Oh S***, Oh B***er, Oh Cr*p,' says KT scrabbling around for anything that will cover at least some of the fetching red all in one she was wearing. All she came up with was her Dad's Christmas jumper that had a huge cracker on it!
Just as she gets the jumper over her head, she is relieved to see Lucky Luke coming through the door. 'Jeezo!', exclaimed KT, 'I thought you were a pap!! What you doing here, I thought you were having Christmas with your family?'
'Ah-ha!' exclaimed LL, 'I thought I'd surprise you!' 'Surprise!!'
'Aww, that's nice, well come on and have a seat. We're just about to have some of Mum's dumpling!' said KT.
Well, the hours passed, the sherry flowed, the dumpling was finished and Mabel was being kept away from the vodka shots she'd found in the fridge!
Set the scene - blazing fire, full stomachs, a few drinkies, what's
left to do but have a wee nap, and this is precisely what KT does probably due to the heat generated by the woolen all in one she was wearing!
LL left her to nap and went to speak to her folks in the kitchen. 'I have a couple of Little Favours to ask of you.' LL said.
'Oh yes, and what's that my dear boy?' asked Mrs T.
'Well, first of all I'd like for you to keep what I'm about to say a secret from KT and secondly is there anymore dumpling?' asked LL.
Mrs T replied, 'Ooh this sounds intruiging, what is it?' After a short silence, Mr T pipes up, 'Umm I believe the boy asked for more dumpling!' To which Mrs T replied, 'Oh yes, well, no, there isn't any left, sorry.'
'Oh, that's a bummer as I wanted to use a piece as a prop. If Only we hadn't eaten it all', said LL.
'Well I do have some chocolate eclairs I could thaw out if that's any good to you, and will you please explain this favour before I burst?!' said Mrs T.
'Yes, sorry, got a bit distracted there', said LL, 'OK, I'll give you a clue, make it a bit more fun.' To which Mr & Mrs T roll their eyes and say, 'OK' with a sigh! LL and his little games, oh dear.
'Right, you ready?', he asked them. 'Yesssss' they replied in unison.
'OK, think of an event where you would usually see a White Bird' said LL, really chuffed with his clue giving. Without missing a beat, Mr T pipes up, 'Ooh, a picnic!'
To which LL replied, 'Erm, no sorry. What on earth are you talking about?'
'Seagulls are white', said Mr T, 'and you see them when you go for a picnic at the beach!'
'Oh yes, but, no that's not what I'm getting at.' said LL.
At this point Mabel pipes up, 'My turn, can I play too?' She'd been standing in the doorway listening for a few minutes now. Well, when I say standing, I mean slouching. And when I say in the
doorway, I mean barely balancing on the door frame, bless her!
'Think of a special event', hinted LL. ' OK', said Mabel, 'Umm, Oh wait, I have to put my teeth in for this, I think much better with them in. Hang on.'
By now, Mrs T is fit to burst and just wants to know what the heck LL is going on about so she hazards a guess, 'Is it a cruise?' she asks with a huge smile on her face. 'You get seagulls at sea right?'
'It's NOT a seagull', said LL head in hands, 'I was thinking about doves and weddings'
'Oh, are you having a wedding my dear', Mabel asked (teeth in and ready to join in this time!) 'That's the hope, if I get Mr & Mrs T's blessing', said LL.
'Aww, who you marrying then? I like a good wedding you know. Last one I was at was John and Mildred's', Mabel said before Mr T managed to cut her off and steer her towards the sitting room and her sherry.
Now with a very serious look on his face, Mr T turned to LL and said, 'I do hope you're not trying to be a Funnyman! I know what you're like for practical jokes! Remember Uncle Peter and the tambourine last year?'
'I can assure you sir, that I am deadly serious. I would like to marry your daughter', said LL. 'Hold On', said Mrs T, 'Let me get this straight, you are asking our permission to marry our lass KT?' And then the tears came. Bless her! LL handed her a tissue and a wee brandy to steady her nerves and said, 'I'd be utterly Hopeless if KT wasn't in my life'.
At that Mr T wiped his eye and got himself a wee brandy and asked LL, 'Well son, when are you going to ask her?'
'Does that mean I have your blessing?' asked LL. Hugs all round and many congrats as they find out LL is going to pop the question that day!! GAH!!!!!
When they all get back to the sitting room they are faced with a puzzled looking KT who's just staring at Mabel and grinning. Mabel is talking to her sherry. She waffling a bit and saying, 'I Don't Want You
Anymore, but it's not coz I don't like you anymore, I've just had a vodka shot and I can't really taste you anymore. Nothing personal!' She starts shaking the bottle so KT offers to take it from her, only to be told, 'Oh no dear, it's OK, you just go and play your music and we'll have a wee sing song shall we?!'
Mrs T to the rescue, 'How about a nice cup of tea Mabel?' 'Aah that'd be lovely my dear. And a ginger nut too if you have please?' said Mabel.
'It's her heart meds and the alcohol. Don't mix well, bless her' said Mrs T. 'She'll be fine after a nap.'
'How about a game of cards?' said LL. 'OK' replied KT, 'There should be a deck in that drawer. I MUST get changed. This suit is really chafing.'
So now LL has time to think about how he's going to propose. He had a plan worked out to use the playing cards, but in all the 'Mabel' excitement he can't quite remember how it went.
Mr & Mrs T are trying to get Mabel to have a nap, so they'll be out of the way for a wee while. KT re-appears in a more comfortable outfit and sits down.
'What do you want to play?' asked KT. 'Well, how about Cups?', said LL. All this time LL is trying to figure out the best way of proposing. He's nervous, excited and his concentration is way off! So as they start to play KT notices his hands are shaking. 'What's up with you?' she asked. 'Nothing, why?' replied LL. 'Well you're being all weird today and I just wondered if you were OK?' said KT. 'Och it's nothing, lets just play a few hands of this and I'll be fine' said LL.
After about half an hour KT was getting a bit suspiscious as LL wasn't playing his hands to his full advantage. 'What are you doing?' she asked, 'Are you letting me win? You could have laid that Queen and
King ages ago!'
'It's my gameplan', said LL, 'I'm Saving My Face cards til the end and hopefully I'll wipe the floor with you! Oh yes, indeed, uh-huh!'
'OK, what is going on?', asked KT, 'You've being acting like a weirdo since you got here. Tell me!'
'Not yet', replied LL.
'What do you mean, not yet?', asked KT.
'Ah-ha, the Beauty Of Uncertainty is my trump card, and it will hold your interest for now', said LL.
'Just coz you don't know what's happening, it's bugging you isn't it?', asked LL.
'Well yes! And by the way, where did my folks go?' asked KT. Just as, Mr & Mrs T appear at the door looking all excited and jumpy and twitchy (no, they hadn't been at the brandy again!!).
LL tries to signal to them that it's not done yet but they don't notice and come in and sit down. So before they put their foot in it LL thinks he has to bite the bullet and just go for it, right now. He's now been faffing about for over an hour trying to think of the best way to do it, but now he HAS to do it or Mr & Mrs T might let the cat out of the bag.
So LL launches himself off the sofa and lands on his knees. At this KT jumps, then slaps him for giving her such a scare!! 'OK, I'm gonna do this, please don't say anything until I'm finished OK?', said LL.
After staring at each other for about 2.5 minutes, (LL waiting for KT to say 'OK' and KT waiting for LL to start and finish before saying anything), LL just goes for it.
'OK, *ahem*, umm, you know this part already but I'll just go through it anyway. I love you loads and am sorry to have to tell you that I haven't been completely honest with you.' KT was about to say something when LL held up his hand and said, 'I'm not finished'. 'I've been speaking to your parents and they know all about this. The gig at New Year is, hopefully, going to be a celebration because I'd like to ask that Someday Soon you'll marry me!'
And before KT can answer, there's an awful kafuffle coming from the hall!
Screeching and laughing!
Yes! Mabel is awake! It's so loud that LL, KT and Mr & Mrs T all have to go out to see what's going on. They thought someone was being attacked! They turn into the hall to see Mabel picking something up and throwing it at them.
'Oh I hope you don't mind, but I opened a cracker because I was bored and in it were instructions on how to make a Paper Aeroplane! I've not had this much fun since I went go carting with your Uncle Morris back in 1992!
There was nothing else for it, LL, KT and Mr & Mrs T all shrugged, then joined in chucking the plane around the place until, finally, Mabel got tired and went down for another wee nap!
Claire rules, the end.
you're a genius Claire!