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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:41 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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^^ :roll: :lol:

Two blondes were out walking in the woods when they came across some tracks.
"They're moose tracks," said one blonde.
"No," replied the other. "Those are deer tracks."
And this arguement went on until a train came up and hit them.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:25 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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These are to offend nobody's mom:
yo momma is so stupid:
-when i told her that drinks were on the house, she went and got a ladder.
-she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
-when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

yo momma is so ugly:
-she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
-they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
-on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!

yo momma is so fat:
-the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
-at a restaurant when she looks at the menu she replies " yes Please"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:59 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?



















A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:28 am 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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DCVan wrote:
These are to offend nobody's mom:

yo momma is so ugly:
-she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
-they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower



Those two in particular had me rolling! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:52 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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puns for y'all:

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Sign for a networking business in Australia: The LAN down under.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:00 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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What did the left nut say to the right nut?

The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:27 pm 
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Joan Jett's Gibson Melody Maker
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DCVan wrote:
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.


:smt005


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2009 12:33 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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Well, I had an exam today and many of my friends and I were doing last minute studies. Our teacher walked past us and told us that it was of no use as it was after all last minute and nothing would get into our heads.

One of my classmates replied: "Well, we after all have nothing right in the left brain and nothing left in the right brain, don't we?"

I'm not sure if it was funny for you people, but I had a laugh :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 9:12 pm 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?

Her husband was a blonde too!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:16 am 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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YOU: Knock knock
FRIEND: Who's there?
YOU: Interuption completely uncalled for.
FRIEND: Inter--(YOU slaps him in the face)

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:51 am 
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Willie Nelson's Martin "Trigger"
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oh! i get in trouble for everything!

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b*****ds

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which way are we supposed to go?!

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I didn't know they made signs back in the Bible days.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:12 pm 
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Elvis' Martin D-28
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:smt005 :smt005

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:14 pm 
Paddy & John at a morgue to identify Jeff's body that's been badly burnt.

Paddy goes first, turns body over, looks at bum, and says "That's not Jeff".
John goes next. Turns body over, looks at bum, and says the same.

Doctor asks "How do you know its not Jeff?"

John replies "Because when we all used to go out, folks would say 'Here comes Jeff with the 2 arseholes'".


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 9:13 pm 
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BB King's Gibson ES-251, "Lucille"
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Why are there no pills in the rainforest?




Because the parrots eat 'em all.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 6:41 pm 
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.


She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'


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